Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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