We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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