pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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