Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
