So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
