yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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