Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
