babies were throwing up all over the place
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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