Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?