Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
