do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
