dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
