Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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