everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
