We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
