sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
