hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
