i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
