I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
