it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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