hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
