I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
