So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
