Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
