i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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