hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
