i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
