is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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