Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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