Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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