She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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