I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
