After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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