Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
