So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
