Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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