My friends, they love my intelligence
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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