I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
