I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
