it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
