I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
