New invention idea: vibrating tampons
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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