Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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