Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
