Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
