woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
