It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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