Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
