HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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