i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
