If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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