YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
