I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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