you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
