my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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