All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
