SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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