its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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