im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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