i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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