Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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