Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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