All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
