and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
