my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
