just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
