Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
