what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize