Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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