I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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